An online purveyor of esoteric and unusual attire for the nonconformist Goth.

A fashion statement, a lifestyle, a name used to describe an already prevalent subcultural niche.

A new religion; a spiritual state of mind.

Saturday morning, 3'O Clock, piling home from the club, cracking open another 4-pack and putting 'Akira' on whilst waiting for the Pepperoni to arrive.

The whole-hearted pursuit of life's ripest experiences.

It is all of these things, and so much more.

Q: Wait, I have no imagination and no attention span due to the increasingly tyrannical hold of mass mediocrity. YobGoth sounds weird and scary to me. Can you give me a few soundbites to ease my underworked mind?

A: Sure. YobGoth starts from the simple premise that is it far more goth to wear a Steau Bucharest away top than it is to wear an off-the-peg, high-street black vest with the word 'Vampire' on it. YobGoths are goths with a more relaxed approach to fashion and lifestyle issues; they in effect hold dual nationality (Goth and Human). YobGoths are equally at home talking to Vlad and to Baz. To put it another way, YobGoths are Goths who have not withdrawn their membership of the human race.

Q: So it's just about football then?

A: No, it's not just about football - although that in itself is the only reason anyone really needs. YobGoth is the redefinition of the goth casual - thuggery with a gothic face. It is about being yourself without having to trade in one set of Fashionist rules for another - YobGoth is self-expression for the Goth with a life, an unpretencious pursuit of the Party and the Good Time.

Q: So when did YobGoth begin, then?

A: A few years ago, in the not-too-distant past, the YobGoths lived in Mayville Street, Leeds. Well, actually, most of them didn't actually live there, they just popped round for a pint and never left. The YobGoths were a simple, joyous folk, who drank heartily, made banging toons and watched Tommy Vance - and every night, they worshipped at the shrine of Luckys, the gods who made the finest food in the Universe. Sometimes as much as four times a night, showing a spiritual discipline and serenity that many will never know who waste their time worshipping lesser gods, the YobGoths would summon Luckys and offer them praise; and the gods favoured them with swift service. In this way, the way of the YobGoths was a happy life.

Then the chain was broken, and the YobGoths were scattered around the nation, and were exiled from Mayville Street. They were sent to Bristol, Nottingham, Chorley, and some were even lost in London, never to be heard from again.

To this day, the remaining YobGoths believe that they will return to Mayville Street, where the gods shall once more favour them with swift service; til that day, the YobGoths have a sacred mission to continue the old ways, of getting drunk, of Hearty Party, and the worship of Luckys, until one day they shall return to the land of Pie-on.

A: By the following, the Ten Commandments of YobGoth:

1- Yob-Goth doesn't mean Not-Goth, it just means 'Use Your Imagination'.

2- Thou shalt make sweet love to life, rock-n-roll (and goth) every night, and party every day.

3- Thou shalt not take Goth too seriously - only beer.

4- Thou shalt not wear plastic fangs,or labour under the misapprehension that you are a vampire, elf, goblin, robot or poet.

5- Thou shalt not speak well of Manchester, it's inhabitants or it's football teams.

6- Thou shalt speak peace to all peoples of the world, and keep the game on the pitch.

7- Thou shalt not do The Bleeding Obvious Goth Thing.

8- Thou shalt not do The Bleeding Obvious Cyber Thing.

9- Thou shalt worship the gods of Luckys, either in physical form or through one of their lesser angels.

10-Mine's a double.

Q: What a sweet, beautiful vision you have. One thing still troubles me, though - isn't everyone who wears a football top a knuckle-dragging, trendy twathead?

A: Y'see, there's the thing - Goths seem to have a perilously poor appreciation of the semiotics of football. It is part of the YobGoth programme to educate people in this matter. Politics, war, corruption, beer, pies and sex - this is what foorball is all about, as is Goth itself. Different teams stand for different things, and the punk in the St. Pauli top and the skinhead in the Lazio top are poles apart. And anyway, the wearing of a football strip is totally normal, even for goths, and is at least ten times more tasteful than wearing a biker-style Alchemy t-shirt.

Any more questions? Please consult the guru.